On Drinking
On New Year’s Eve, 2016, I made the decision to quit drinking alcohol and I haven’t looked back since. I didn’t quite have a reason for giving up alcohol, except that I wanted to, and the only thing holding me back was the fear of what everyone would think when I did quit drinking. What I soon realized is that the people who I enjoyed spending the most time with actually cared more about me than what was in the glass in front of me.
That year had been a strange one. Sean had been job-hunting and I had temporarily given up drinking as a “fast” to “lean in to what God wanted for our family” and especially to where Sean was supposed to work. He started working again in October and I returned to drinking but we have to remember the context of the time. 2016 was the year the Chicago Cubs won the World Series. The night the Cubs won the NLCS to clinch their spot in the World Series, I was in Hood River for a girls’ running weekend getting ready to run a half marathon relay the next morning. I watched the game through a borrowed cable account on my cell phone, drinking wine and cheering loudly as the girls around me celebrated my excitement. I ran the race the next morning, dehydrated with a slight headache, but full of joy thinking about the upcoming World Series. The next several days were a whirlwind of teaching during the day, watching baseball games at night, and even flying to Chicago to catch Game 4 at Wrigley Field. Was there drinking? Yeah, probably. The Cubs won and it was more exciting than ever. Then, a week later, my world changed the other way with the shock of the election results, and I probably drank a bit extra for different reasons.
It wasn’t just that I was over-drinking on occasion, it was that drinking wasn’t doing anything for me. Plus, during the weeks I had stopped drinking for the job hunt I had started to wake up on Saturday mornings a bit more refreshed, and I had also stopped making excuses to skip my weekend long run. When I drank on the weekends I would stay up later, sleep in longer, and be less productive during the day. We lived in Oregon then, but that New Year’s Eve we were heading to Washington for a low-key game night at my in-laws. I had reached out to a friend that lived nearby to see if she wanted to grab coffee the next morning since I would be in the area. “But not too early!” I was sure to add.
“Actually, I have plans to run 4 miles in Forest Park in Portland with a friend at 9:00 a.m.” she had responded. “You should come too!” I decided to go, but I kept thinking about how it would feel to get up and run after a night of bringing in the New Year with cocktails. And that’s when I decided to quit altogether. The next morning, when I woke up refreshed and well-rested, I was even more certain.
It’s amazing how insecure I initially felt about not drinking when a) people likely would not have noticed if I hadn’t pointed it out and b) less people cared than I thought. I was mostly afraid that people would make assumptions about my not drinking (Is she pregnant?) or that it would feel awkward (Is she judging me?). Plus, what would I order to drink? I made it even more awkward by saying things to people like “Want to go to happy hour? I mean, I’m not drinking anymore, but I can totally go to happy hour, but I’ll get a root beer or something!” Why couldn’t I have said something like “Want to go to happy hour?” and left it at that? What I also discovered was that the only time my not drinking tended to make people uncomfortable was when they had issues with their own drinking habits and it had nothing to do with me whatsoever. Sure, there were times when people tried to get me to have a drink, and times when it was persistent, but for the most part people shrugged and moved on.
It’s been almost four years since I gave up drinking and it’s just who I am now. I usually don’t even think about it. I would say that it has made me a more dedicated runner and more productive on evenings and weekends and that’s about it. There are times when I get nostalgic about an evening glass of wine, but often pouring sparkling grape juice into a wine glass shows me that the nostalgia has more to do with holding the stem of a wine glass than what’s actually in the glass. You would think I gave it up for spiritual reasons, but I really didn’t. While I believe that some people do hold a strong conviction that God would rather them abstain from alcohol, I actually think that for the most part there is too much judgement related to drinking thrown around in Christian circles. A personal spiritual conviction is just that - personal - and it’s up to God to decide what does and does not belong in a person’s life. I also think Jesus would have probably really appreciated the IPAs and Pinot Noirs that come out of the Pacific Northwest.
Before I wrap up my thoughts on drinking I do want to say one more thing. I have friends and family members that have given up drinking for very different reasons. By expressing my very casual take on a journey of giving up drinking as my personal choice, I don’t want to diminish the courage and bravery that it takes to stand up and give up drinking to break the stronghold of addiction. I have so much love, respect, and admiration for those around me that have taken this step and continue to walk this path daily.
So all that to say, when this COVID mess is over, there are so many folks I can’t wait to go have a drink with. And if mine is a Kombucha and yours is an IPA, cheers all the same.
