Rest

A few nights ago I was grumbling through making dinner and grumbling through the dishes and grumbling through bedtime. When the kids were finally tucked in, the lights were finally off, and I finally walked down the stairs to fall onto the couch in an exhausted heap, I turned to my husband and grumbled, “I am just so tired.”

It was close to 9PM and his immediate response was the obvious, “Why don’t you just go to sleep?”

“Sleep?” I replied. “Sleep isn’t what I need. I need rest.”

How is resting different than sleeping?

When I talked to others about their definition of rest, a major theme emerged. Many defined rest as caring for yourself without having any other responsibilities. Throughout this pandemic, however, the lines between our home, work, and family responsibilities have blurred together as we grab snacks for the kids while also answering a work message while also starting the dishwasher so it will be ready to unload before dinner. By Day 274, sleep barely cuts it as rest anymore. Sleep can be one way to to rest, but as I dug into the topic further, I learned that there are actually seven different kinds of rest. I learned that I need to identify the root of my exhaustion, so that I can find an activity that brings me the kind of rest my body needs. On the evening mentioned above, it was mental rest that I needed. I made myself a cup of lavender tea, turned on the fireplace, and watched a mindless show on Netflix.

What are the different kinds of rest?

Physical Rest

Your body needs a break. You know how much sleep you need, but sometimes it is hard to fit everything in to one day. Physical rest is taking care of your body’s needs, going to bed earlier, taking a break from a rigid workout routine if necessary, or doing yoga to help your body stretch and relax. Getting physical rest allows you to take care of your body before you have reached the end of yourself, instead of waiting each evening until you are too exhausted to peel yourself off the couch, brush your teeth, and crawl into bed.

Mental Rest

My brain has a hard time slowing down. I need to change this student to a different small group. I can’t forget to add that to my grocery list. I forgot to respond to that email, cancel that free trial, pay that bill, listen to that podcast, check in with that friend, and the list goes on. Sometimes the kids will say, “Mom! Mom!” and as I snap out of it they will ask, “Where were you?”

In my brain. All the things.

Whether it’s work, household tasks, or even just, “What are we doing this weekend?” our brains need a break from the load. Sometimes I go for a run and purposefully leave my headphones and phone behind. Meditating with the Calm app has also helped rest my mind.

Emotional Rest

I have always kept journals. Before I even knew I was a writer, I knew that writing through my thoughts in a notebook helped me to understand what was really going on, where my feelings were coming from, and what I needed to process in order to move forward. I have also had seasons of therapy in my life. When college was confusing. When I finished college and the real world was confusing. When I got my first teaching job and the anxiety was overwhelming. When my daughter had an undiagnosed health condition. And most recently, when schools shut down and I had no idea how to navigate life or work in a pandemic. These seasons have not only given me a place to let everything fall out until I had nothing left to say, but they also gave me the tools I needed to carry through the next season. Whether it’s journaling, therapy, or even just an authentic chat with a close friend, our emotions need to be expressed, cared for, and released.

Social Rest

Social rest does not always mean taking a break from people, but it can also mean taking a break from people that you can’t be yourself with. An evening of small talk at a charity auction can be exhausting, while a long talk with a good friend over a chai tea latte can be life-giving. In 2020, we don’t have to worry too much about seeking opportunities for social rest. In fact, we may need to reframe this one to “family rest.”

Spiritual Rest

You know that desire for more? The passion that drives you? The longing to discover the divine? Quenching that thirst is what brings spiritual rest. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus says, “Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Just reading those words feels restful. Sometimes spiritual rest is found in volunteering in an area that drives you, raising awareness about a cause that is close to your heart, or fighting against racism and advocating for social justice. Other times, spiritual rest is found in moments of silent meditation, prayer, or inspirational music.

Creative Rest

If you are lacking inspiration in areas that usually inspire, perhaps you need a break to allow room for new discovery. Sometimes I will try to organize thoughts for a piece of writing, and it won’t come together until the next morning when I am in the shower. Other times I will get stuck while planning lessons for first graders, only to take a break, go on a walk, or have a snack until a unique way of presenting a complex concept in six-year-old terms suddenly appears in my mind. When we go into overdrive or push too hard, we lose the creativity. When we learn when to take breaks, we rediscover inspiration. For me, this also means returning to authors that have inspired me in the past.

Sensory Rest

Turn off the screen and read a magazine. Turn off the music and go for a hike without headphones. Turn off the audiobook and take a quiet drive. Let go of the digital tools and look for peace.

How do I find rest during a pandemic?

It is so easy to list reasons why we don’t take care of ourselves during a pandemic, and at the top of the list is guilt. In the last few months I have found that no matter what I am doing (teaching, writing, hanging out with the kids, working on my board certification, running), I am constantly feeling guilty for not doing something else. If I am working, I feel bad that my kids are doing school on their own without support. If I am writing, I feel like I should be working. If I am hanging out with my kids, I feel like I should be cleaning the house. I lamented about this guilt once to my friend K.C., a holistic happiness coach, and she asked if I would want my kids to have the same guilt as adults. “Don’t you want them to see you model valuing yourself enough to rest without feeling guilty, so that they allow necessary rest for their own lives when they need it as adults?”

Yes. So let’s find ways to rest. Not to sleep, but to truly rest.