Learning to Listen

I have been avoiding posting about this because it's political and because politics are so divisive (especially lately) but I can't stop thinking about this book and I feel the need to share my thoughts. This book, "Republican Like Me: How I Left the Liberal Bubble and Learned to Love the Right" by Ken Stern, sat in my Kindle library for more than a year after I bought it on a whim through an e-book deal. I was intrigued by the concept, described in two sentences: "In this controversial National Bestseller, the former CEO of NPR sets out for conservative America wondering why these people are so wrong about everything. It turns out, they aren’t."

After Trump got elected I really struggled to understand how anyone could vote for him without being a racist or misogynist. Trump's "Build a Wall" campaign was not only threatening to the Latinx population, but it also perpetuated racist stereotypes. His speeches and tweets constantly added fuel to the fire. Then there's the alarming number of women that have been silenced after trying to come forward with accusations of sexual misconduct. And.. his ego. I tried having conversations with people that voted for him about why they voted for him it but there was frustration on all sides. I was very angry so I got heated really fast. Trump supporters were being attacked and vilified so they got defensive really fast. I wanted to have a reasonable conversation with someone about WHY, but it was impossible.

I opened this book a month or two ago and it gave me exactly what I was looking for. It gave me the why. Stern pointed out that the answer is not necessarily to surround yourself with like-minded people. He looked at his neighborhood and noted, "Our commitment to diversity is pretty complete when it comes to black, white, and brown, and to the rainbow colors of the gay pride flag, but it falls a little short when it comes to red and blue." His street had a snarky little pledge that would be recited at the annual block party that proudly included "gay or straight, man or woman, all are welcome.. except Republicans," which he pointed out showed a great deal about their commitment to diversity and tolerance, but lacked "viewpoint diversity." This was powerful for me. I had already hit the "unfollow" button throughout my news feed to weed out the posts that were giving me anxiety. He compared the loyalty to our political viewpoint to the loyalty that fans feel for their teams. This rang true because, after thinking about a die hard Green Bay Packers fan that I was friends with in Chicago, I remembered how he watched the 2011 Superbowl in private with a couple of friends in the heart of Chicago because he wanted to enjoy it without heckling. I also remembered how I had jokingly told him when we met that I struggled with Packers fans and didn't think if I was ever single that I would be able to date one. It was all in jest, but the lightheartedness of the team loyalty analogy disappeared when Stern shifted the focus of the comparison to politics. I realized that I had become fiercely loyal to my political team, team anti-Trump and team anti-Trump followers.

Stern used the book to push himself out of his own bubble and force himself to see the other side. He went hunting. He went to a NASCAR race. He went to church. He read Breitbart. He visited Appalachia. What he discovered was that he began to understand why voters had struggled with the left and clung to the ideas of the right. What he also discovered, and was willing to admit (most of us aren't), was that there were times when he identified with what they said and actually agreed with certain elements of it. Did he switch parties? No. But he listened to the other side and allowed himself to be open to their ideas. Which is more than a lot of us do (including myself).

As he concluded his thoughts, he said a few things that continued to resonate with me. "We have all convinced ourselves of the inerrancy of our own political views. And we have also convinced ourselves not only that the other side is wrong, but that their wrongfulness comes from a place of greed or poor morals or rank stupidity. If the year has taught me anything, it is that none of us has a monopoly on the right ideas and none of us has a superior claim on values, commitment to our communities, and the desire to make our nation a better place." He continues with "The thing that troubled me the most over the last year, is not the demagoguery from our politicians, though I don't like that very much, but the demonization of ordinary citizens who hold contrary political views." Later, and more boldly, he proclaims "If we can't believe that the other side includes people of good faith, or we can't respectfully disagree with one another, then our democracy is at risk."

So I write this post to sort out and collect my thoughts after this book, but also to express that I know I can do better when it comes to listening to others that hold different political viewpoints than me. It's difficult, and I won't lie, I will probably still get quite heated if we're talking about race because racism needs to be called out and it's everywhere. But I also know that during the last few months I've been learning so much just by listening. And I pray that we all do just that.

Let's listen to each other.